What if, my mom, the my nemesis, the anti-me, the person who always didn’t believe in me, didn’t like my choice of friends, didn’t like my goals in life, didn’t really like anything except my 2nd husband, Michael, and, of course, my son, what if she is / was a natural witch… and didn’t even know it.
Some of you have known me for years, some just recently, some never met but you’ve heard me bitch about her a lot. What if I’ve been giving her more magic by my complaints. (well, I am of course, and I realized that eventually) but what if, she already had her own magic.
What if, all those times when I would be getting back on my feet, healthy, life good, something about her (jealousy? I did have a baby when she could not – or chose not to) made her upset that it was happening and her “magic” changed everything. (What if that’s why I had so many miscarriages and a stillborn? When I worked my magic when I was pregnant with Kevin, everything went so much more smoothly.)
What if her negativity, her hypochondria, makes us sick too. What if she is so powerful that she was able to control our own health issues. This is just a what if scenario. I’m not sure what I believe at this point, but the other day, she mentioned in front of Kevin how if he goes to sleep on an empty stomach, he vomits the next morning. I told her that was something he grew out of a long time ago, but guess what, the next morning, he did. The very next morning.
And his most recent ear infection. Yes, his allergies have been bugging him. Yes, he’s been coughing / sneezing, but so has most of his school. But this past weekend after parent / teacher conferences, Mom apparently commented to dad, maybe he has an ear infection and that is why he doesn’t seem to be hearing the teachers. She told me this AFTER we found out he had an infection in both ears, but I still reminded her that he was HEARING he just wasn’t paying attention and she was like “oh yes, that’s right”. But I’d be willing to bet the entire time we were on vacation / Halloween, she was stressing about the health of his ears, which is the time when his “ears” seemed to get worse, ultimately resulting in the earache at 2am leading to trip to the Doctor and the subsequent ear infection in both ears. What if her believing it makes it so?
And now, as a test, now that I’m aware of this possibility, and I ward myself against it, (and ward my son too) my health, lifestyle, luck, finances, etc. will finally get better. What if, that was all it took to make me aware and defend against the magic that she unknowingly releases through her stress.
I believe that this is a huge awakening on my part.
On an instinct, I sent Mom an email. I asked her, if, as a kid, her prayers seemed to come true. I also asked her if some times her prayers for something NOT to happen also seemed to come true. Two things could come of this. 1. She tells me yes, this did happen. Or 2. She tells me no, this didn’t happen, but really starts thinking about it and it opens her mind a bit to what she is capable of.
Is this why she was meant to be my mother? IS this why I chose to be her child? Am I, as the child, meant to open my mother’s eyes to life other than the Catholic religion? Are prayers magic? Yes. I think so. Maybe someday she will think so too.
This gives me a new perspective of her, and perhaps will allow me to forgive stuff, because it would be scary if your “prayers” came true and no one else’s ever did. She is a full-blooded bohemian in small town / country Kansas in the great US of A. Her ancestry could be full of such magic and she would be in denial. I wonder now if my Gram-cracker, my gram, also had magic.
So much to ponder on. :)
I love the synchronicity in my world.
