• Sat. Jun 3rd, 2023

A conversation with Tracy

Sep 8, 2006

Think any of it will sink in or will it all go over her head?
Damn, I want Kevin out of there.
Do you think Tracy is trying to bribe Kevin with all the stuff?
He told me once that he loves Tracy because she buys him stuff..
I told him I love him cuz I love his hugs and kisses.. LOL
He liked that.. (Thank goodness he is still young enough to let me!!)

My email:
Did you get Kevin all packed and set for coming to Topeka?

It’ll be so good to see him. I really got used to having him around all the
time this summer. :)

Well, hope you’ve had a good week!!

See you on Sunday!!

Her email:
Yes, he is packed…  we had an interesting morning as he forgot his backpack even though it was in front of the door as always.  I had Dessa, and her things and mine, Kevin’s responsibility is to have his backpack and himself, but he left it.  We had to go back and get it and his bus had to come back to get him…  but it all worked out.  He is excited about comming home b/c we are getting a cat and kittens in the garage this weekend and I have a computer that we will hook up in his room as he gets better reports in school.

Its been a hard week… today is 1 yr from when Mom died… Tues would have been their 35 wedding anniversary…

But all in all it has been good… Kids have been great… weather has been great to play after school outside…  I don’t know what I would do without thiem.

Have a good weekend!
See you on Sunday… (5pm? or 6?  I couldn’t remember)

My reply:

Thanks for getting his stuff. :)

I’m sure Kevin is feeling your stress and that is tough for a child with as much empathy as he has. Just try to keep your feelings from leaking out too much. He is much too young to handle your pain.
Maybe that’s why he has been so emotional lately.. perhaps he is sensing your pain as this time draws near. All I ask is that you be careful around him and try not to project how you are feeling. You may need to learn to shield until he is old enough to shield himself. If Dessa is anything like him, that may be some of her problems as well. You must take responsibility for your feelings and your emotions and keep them in check around the kids.

It’s not bad to show emotions, don’t get me wrong, however, you don’t just show them, you project them. I have always noticed that… you and Trey both always projected your emotions (unintentially I believe) on everyone around you and everyone was affected by how you feel. I’m certain Michael has noticed this by now as well. He may not be aware of what it is, but I’m certain he has felt the emotional chaos.

Children as young as Kevin and Dessa cannot guard against that and they can be left confused, hurt and scared. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why Kevin is scared of you at times. (You remember when I told you that a few weeks back?) Not your actions, but rather your emotions.

Just something to think about.

Oh, btw, you never did answer my question if you told Michael’s mom that Michael was deploying as soon as he finishes school.

It may be best to keep conversations with her about happy stuff. You can even project emotions over the phone, so fear, frustration, anxiety, all leak out, and Michael’s mom is EXTREMELY sensitive. (Poor Kevin, he got sensitivity from both of his parents sides of his family). In fact, when you do talk to her, why don’t you simply talk about how good the kids are doing, how they are doing in school (good stuff) and at the babysitters, and such. Leave the negative stuff completely out of the conversation. I’m certain that you have other outlets. I’m sure even Lisa would listen if you needed to talk, but please, for Mom’s sake, don’t give her unnecessary worries and stress… thanks!! *hug*

Have a great day and a great weekend,
I’m really sorry that you are having such a tough time.


I'm Me!

5 thoughts on “A conversation with Tracy”
  1. She didn’t listen at all.. I rather suspected that.. but dammit!!
    And not a damn thing about Michael’s mom.
    I’m really getting pissed about that….

    Help me be strong!!!

    Tracy’s Reply
    >I haven’t said anything to Kevin and really haven’t been doing much of anything. I am not being emotional or crying or anything. Kids have been doing fine. They get up and go to bed on time and occasionally have night mares, but not excessively. I wouldn’t say I am in emotional chaos.

  2. My reply…

    It is always tougher to see when you are the one in the situation.
    The nightmares should give you a bit of a clue. *hug* Kevin doesn’t have nightmares when he is staying with me…
    You’re emotions are there.. and they can feel them (well, Kevin can at least).
    And from your email about your Mom, it sounds like you ARE in emotional chaos, but perhaps you aren’t admitting it to yourself. That is understandable considering your relationship with your mom.

    I’m guessing you haven’t realized what you are doing. (Which is why I wanted to bring it to your attention.) Imagine a brick wall around yourself when you are around the kids and you and they will be fine. It’s simple enough and it is a good practice. It might even help some problems at school when kids seem to react to your feelings (acting differently depending on how you feel).

    And please, you didn’t say either way, but please only positive things when you talk to Michael’s Mom, okay? “Michael’s doing fine” “No, he’s not deploying” (<-- He doesn't have orders yet for deployment, does he? He WILL deploy at some point, but you don't need to tell Michael's mom that at this time. In fact, HE should be the one to tell her NOT you...) Thanks for listening,
    and please think about it… for Kevin’s AND for Dessa’s sake!!

  3. OMG — She’s really losin it…
    Those poor kids!!!

    (Her Reply)

    I am honestly sorry I said anything to you at all. I am honestly generally peaceful. Kevin didn’t have any nightmares this week until last night… I didn’t put him to bed last night because I had class, they had a babysitter.

    I know you won’t believe me no matter what I say. You are not in the situation and can’t see the day to day happenings… how well things are going…

    I understand Mom needs good news! I am so not happy about the things her kids are putting her through… but there isn’t much I can do about that.

    I will continue sharing things about the Kevin, but will leave any personal comments out… once again. I thought we were getting along pretty well and perhaps moving more toward a friendship, but you have taken what I have said and made it seem worse than it is. It was not my intention. I am sorry I said anything. All is well.

  4. I am truly sorry to hear this hon! You have tried and tried, but she is just not listening. The question is: Have you said anything to Michael about this? And if you have, has he listened? That would be more important than Tracy listening, since it is his son too.

  5. I blind copy Michael on all correspondences with Tracy. *veg*

    And it’s been the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Now he knows what is going on and she can’t change my words to whatever she wants. ;)

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