• Fri. Dec 8th, 2023

Dark moon and hopelessness

Oct 7, 2021

It all seems so hopeless. Everywhere I turn, people are blind to the truth. If everyone gets caught in this web, what does it matter those of us who see and know the truth. Does it matter?

These days the darkness funk comes more often than they ever did before in my life. I cannot believe that there is so much overwhelming sadness. In 2020, I knew 2021 would be dark, but I had hopes for 2022, but now, I don’t even see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I will continue to fight. I will honor The Morrigan, the goddess of battle. I will fight. I never dreamt I would be this much of an underdog. I knew, as a woman, I was one but this.. this minority and the hatred for those who think like me… I never even dreamt that I would feel this. There is no forgiveness, there is only hate… so much hatred, everywhere I turn, there is hatred for me, for what I believe. For the people who aren’t stepping in line. I feel so alone. I know I am not alone but.. I am alone at my job, with many of my “old” friends. I am dissed I am a heretic. I have been abandoned. By so many who I thought were friends. They weren’t friends. They left me like mice leave a sinking ship. I am beleaguered and disdained.

I will fight to make it through this. I will tell my story for years to come. I will not forget. I may forgive but I will not forget. Those people who are supposedly so forgiving and inclusive have shunned people like me and that makes them hypocrites. How many friends have I lost? So many more than I have gained. And yes, I have gained some. Very few, but some.

It’s terrifying to see how much I’ve changed yet how much I’m still the same. I guess it’s terrifying to see what has changed but also what I perhaps chose not to see before. I see it now. I fear it now. How will it ever end?

I was called a badass. I was proud of my badass label.. but I don’t feel badass. I feel despair. I feel abandoned. I have done nothing wrong. I am not a danger but I am shunned and I am scared.

What has happened to compassion? What has happened to inclusion and freedom? It is gone.
Is it gone forever? I fear we may never regain what we once had.

I am sad.
I am alone.

But I’m still here……..


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