Well, apparently, my energy level is so low that it is noticeable.

It was really great seeing Jeannie ths weekend. Goddess, she looks GREAT!!! DAMN!! :)

But what I had suspected and felt was brought to light instantly as she noticed right away that my energy levels were (are) low. Yes, it’s no wonder I’m not able to do anything.. no energy. All my energy is going into this job and since there is no fulfillment there (not even thank you’s, cept from Debbie, but she can’t keep me my job) I am getting nothing back. It’s killing me….

I’m trying to refinance my home. Get rid of that ugly Mortgage Insurance. Was supposed to sign and close Saturday, but my paycheck stubs don’t have my job’s name on them and the form that they sent to my IT manager boss were never faxed in. Does that mean I won’t have a job much longer? Did he just forget? Is he using it for leverage? I don’t know. All I know is that I found the paper work, it was received on the 11th, he signed it on the 13th and had not faxed it in in time to close on Saturday..

So, am I fucked or what? What happens now? I dunno.

I put a stop to the autopayment because I planned on this being done. I don’t have the money to pay the mortgage this month now, because I spent it getting things set up for this refinancing, and if I lose my job or my boss refuses to send in the proof of employment, well, I’m fucked. *sigh*

Stay tuned for more stories from the drama life.. (oh that’s another topic, I was once told that I have so much “excitement” in my life cuz I’m such a drama “queen” .. and that I bring it all on myself. Yeah, I like excitement, I like living on the edge, but if I am doing this to myself, why do I have to cut it so close? Anyway, like I said, a topic for another day.)

I was supposed to get an email today. I looked for it all weekend… *sad sigh* I even IM’d but didn’t hear anything back. Makes me wonder if my lack of energies and lack of free time and lack of.. myself has me so withdrawn that my chances at… learning new things, meeting new people and getting to know people are now dimming.

I even sent an email on my thoughts about PPD to a group with some friends. *chuckle* I guess I’ve dropped out too much from things. I look at things too differently. I just hope that I haven’t lost any friends in the process of sharing my thoughts and ideas.

Hell, I’m rambling now.
Where is my knight in shining armor? Hell, I don’t need one.. I like taking care of myself, but once in a while.. just once in a while… it would be nice to have someone to lean on.. especially during times like this and with this dammed job. I like looking only to myself and taking care of my son.. but right now, there is nothing left of me.

*grin*
I learned about “who” I am in many ways at the Heartland Fest, but now… I just gotta find out WHERE I am!!!

So, where does that leave me? Needing / wanting a new job. Not wanting to leave until I have at least 6 months there (don’t want to be seen as a job jumper or whatever the hell..) my summer with Kevin is half way over, we never made it to the plays or to Shakespeare in the park or oven that Jazz fest… no energies…. means I’ve been spending a LOT of time reading as an escape..

Except for this weekend.. This weekend was a Doctor Who fest.. yeah, the new series.. I LOVE IT!!

Time for bed… it’s back to the old grind tomorrow….