• Sat. Sep 23rd, 2023

People pleasing and Balance

Recently it was suggested that I cannot handle rejection. Well, we all have difficulties handling rejection, but I don’t feel I go out of my way to avoid it. If I did, wouldn’t I avoid friends all together?

It was intimated that I also am solely a people pleaser.  This I had to do some research on and what I found is that I like people to be happy. A simple smile, a kind word, even a hug (if they are open to that sorta thing, makes a difference. But a People Pleaser?

I like making people happy, but I wouldn’t say I was a people-pleaser.
I can (and do) say no when something doesn’t fit or if I have too large of a schedule.

Points of people pleasing:

1.  Saying “No” – This is an easy one. I am both willing and able to say no, and I do so quite frequently.  I know I used to have a lot more trouble saying no, but when my ex and I started getting along after he dumped the female after me and he started dating a Mom with 6 kids, I told him not to bother asking me to babysit, that I would not and could not. He did ask once. I said no. He never asked since. 6 kids would drive me insane (btw, it’s up to 9 kids now, he added 3 more to the Brady Bunch).  So, I’ve been able to say no for a while. :)

2. Being Responsible for What Is Not Yours is possibly an issue. I do take it upon myself to try and help people feel better about themselves. I worry when someone I care about is down in the dumps and whether or not I can help them. However, I do NOT carry their burden for them.

3. Enabling Others is something I am not guilty of. I will NOT take responsibly for your actions nor your screw ups. You’re on your own, baby.

4. Denying What Is Healthy is also something that is not me. I won’t work those extra hours (unless it is part of my job description, but keep in mind I love my job!!)  But then, as I read this, I could be doing exactly that. Am I work-a-holic? No, I don’t see that in me. I do have pride in my work and I have, on occasion, worked late or over a weekend to finish a project.  It could also be said that I do attempt to keep the peace by keeping my mouth shut, at the same time, this is becoming less and less an issue as I see things from the outside looking in.  It is tough for me to share what I see, though. It can be a bitter pill to swallow. I have noticed that I can do it better in an email or chat than I can face-to-face. I guess it is a means of me to step out of the situation.  Also, it was pointed out to me that it allows me to be more communicative and to gently write upon subjects that may not be as gently spoken.

5. Disrespecting Yourself. Not I. I can look in the mirror and tell myself I love me and who I am. In fact, I might go as far to say that I’m a bit full of myself and it would be more likely that I would be called selfish.

I do like to have people like me. ;) I like to make them laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. I see it in my son. We try to make people laugh. I have learned to stop at one, once in a while, but he gets a laugh and wants it to keep going.  I told him a rule of let ‘em laugh and let it go.. meaning, don’t try for more, because, especially at his age, it causes a disruption and teachers tend to frown on that. There is a time and a place. Often it is good to break high-stress moments with a bit of laughter, but never at anyone’s expense and never beat a dead horse. One person’s disapproval at that age outweighs the laughter of the many (other students). No matter how cute. (and he is adorable, that little shit).  So he gets this from me, so I’m going to have to teach him how to protect himself. (As I’ve been teaching him about empathy, which, like me, is also wealthy with.)

So, people pleaser. Perhaps, but not to a degree that it is harmful to anyone. Balance is important. I like the balance and I do feel in balance. The more and more I learn, the more and more I’m realizing that I’m working towards a balance.

Balance is good. Yin and Yang.

Article used in the creation of this blog:


I'm Me!