Maybe, hopefully, my emotions are just on high right now, since I am PMSing.
Perhaps in a week or so I will begin to think rationally again.
Another nearly sleepless night. I’m so tired.
So much shit running through my head.
My friend was just saying, last weekend, that she had always felt that Michael and I would last forever. I mean, yeah, we fought, money usually. And a few other things, but…
Sometimes I wonder if …. a sort of spell was put on me to screw things up back then. I certainly wasn’t thinking rationally then. Stupid.
BUT — no matter what happens now, the past is in the past.
I was able to get a degree in I.T. and got away from the suffering with teaching. (I loved the kids, it was the administrators and some of the parents that made it so disillusioning)
I got my act together. I fixed my credit. I bought a car and a house.
That would not have happened otherwise and I am quite proud of myself.
So why am I reacting thus?
Hopefully it is simply the instability of PMS.
The emotions run high and I am reacting instead of thinking.
Gods, I hope I can start thinking soon…
Not like any of my thoughts would ever come to fruition. He / we both moved on. We are not the same people.
I need to recall what I learned at Heartland. I need to go over it in my mind. Perhaps that will help. I always said I would write the experience in here but I never have.. yet..
Maybe that is something I need to do. Maybe that will help.