• Fri. Apr 12th, 2024

Something’s wrong

Nov 29, 2003 #bio-mom, #ex, #fenris, #fire, #pms, #son

I can’t concentrate.
Something feels “wrong” somewhere. I don’t know if it is PMS or something real. I hate this feeling. I got homework to do. I have no way to concentrate. Even tried smoking. That didn’t help. Shaky, tired, yet not tired, worried, but no idea about what. And my head hurts. (Prally the PMS). Anxiety attack? Perhaps. Still upset about my bio mom leaving before my son and I got to see her, yes, perhaps a lot is from that.. but I cried my way through Friday. I don’t know why it would still be bothering me. My son goes back to his daddy tomorrow. That could be another bit. I’ve had a wonderful week with him, and I don’t want it to end. I will have him again next weekend, but it sucks not being able to hug him every day. Hold him, sing him to sleep, read him a story or three.. Yes, that is probably another aspect of this feeling. Usually writing down my thoughts helps. Maybe this will help as well. Time, sleep, productivity, just simply getting past this moment. All is good. Who knows. And he’s not telling. What the future holds. What will happen tonight or tomorrow or the next day. I need to get my homework done, but I still cannot concentrate, and I really have no desire to even try, currently. A fire in the firepit sounds nice, but putting it out will be annoying because it is going to be below freezing tonight and a as it is, I still haven’t put away the hose. I hope it hasn’t been screwed up already, but I certainly don’t want to be sending more water through it to put a fire out… I suppose I could sit outside until it GOES out, but damn, it is cold out there! Already! I also have a web page to design. Well, I do have it almost finished, but I have no way to upload it yet. I need to get a password… I guess I should email asking for it again, or something. I just don’t know. Perhaps another aspect is worrying about getting it done, and having everyone satisfied with it, and not hating it. And not screwing up. *sigh * Too much Midol in my system? Perhaps. I didn’t take any over the suggested dose, however I did not wait the full 4-6 hours earlier this afternoon because the first dose either was wearing off early or just didn’t help as much as it usually does. So many possibilities. Perhaps it is a little (or a lot) of it all. Did I mention my tummy hurts? Also prally part of the PMS. Hopefully ONLY part of the PMS. *sigh * I hope sleep will help, but currently, not ready for sleep. I need to get work done, but I cannot. Maybe I will be more motivated tomorrow. I can only hope. Right now, no motivation, nothing. I am blah. Totally blah. Yuck.

Blessed Be!


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