Although she says she forgives me…
As bad as the rest.. and perhaps, maybe, because I know/knew what they did to me, I was probably worse.. because I knew the pain…
And although I have blocked much of my childhood (including college) from my memories, I know that I was not always a nice person.
No excuses… my class was horrible as a whole, but even the bits and pieces weren’t great. Those of us who were not in the “bitch” group shoulda stuck together.. and I think I was part of that not working either.
I would love to ask exactly what I did or didn’t do… but it’s not my place to ask. I did ask, I opened the door, but I don’t need to beat a dead horse. If I was supposed to know, or if I am supposed to remember, it will come to me, or she will tell me.
My high school friends were mostly people who I didn’t go to school with for 12 years. A girl from my brother’s class and a girl who I don’t think lived in Ellsworth her entire life.
And even they I didn’t keep in touch with.
Absolutely no one from Ellsworth did I ever remain consistently in touch with. No one.
I remember only that which I want to remember, I suspect… I wonder if I can change that.