• Wed. Mar 22nd, 2023

Why does it hurt. Why do lies hurt so much

Oct 25, 2003 , ,

Why is it, why does it hurt? Why is it that it kills me when someone tells me one thing, but ends up doing something else…
He specifically said that he was planning on spending the day.. didn’t want to interrupt “our” weekend, and now, she’s coming after all.

Prally gonna keep him most of the afternoon. Who knows. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why oh why does he tell me one thing and then decide to do something else, without bothering to tell me? What is it that is so important…

Is it his way of expressing his freedom? Does he want to know how I will react? I’m gonna be fucking upset, dammit, what does he think…. He promised to help with pumpkins tomorrow.. He promised. He said that would be fun. But now, he isn’t gonna even be here… He’s going out to dinner with someone who loves him… She loves him you can see it in her poetry. You can see it in her eyes.. and he doesn’t believe me.. and whenever there is problems with her hubby, she comes running to him. She wants to eventually make a future with him? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a case of wanting something you can’t have.. I really don’t know.. but either way, she keeps crawling back into things.. We see her every other weekend almost, as it is… and now, she has to come here. Alone, without her husband. Without her kids. Alone. To spend time with MY boyfriend.
And I’m supposed to be okay with this…

Perhaps it is time for me to move on…. Perhaps it is time to close my heart off again. If he could tell her that he and I were serious and that he loved me. If only he would tell her what he told Lady D., then it might be better, but a part of her, *I* think, I don’t know for sure, but I think a part of her hopes to someday have a chance with him.. With or without her hubby…

I hate the not knowing. And I hate that he changed his mind. I really really hate that. I hate that most of all. And now, prally no time to make pumpkins.. and who fucking knows when he will be back here. And where is she getting the money to do this? Doesn’t she realize she is a wife AND a mother, not some single person who can afford to run around like this. She really needs to grow up.

Blessed Be!


I'm Me!

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