What am I scared of?
I’m scared of:
1. Not having a job.
2. Not paying my bills.
3. Not being able to pay for stuff for my son.
4. Losing my house.
5. Not being able to find a good job.. anywhere. (With this time “limit” I’ll prally be working in KC again, because there isn’t anything in Topeka)
6. Being a “loser”.
7. Being a “fuck up”.
8. Not getting anything right in my life. (I mean, what kind of mother would not have residential custody of her own son?)
9. Being so goddamned depressed that I will never be able to pull myself out of this goddamn hole.
10. Being so pathetic.
Okay. That was a downer.
5 thoughts on “Journaling my fears (from the previous blog suggestions)”
I am sure you are not a loser or a fuck-up. And as far as not getting anything right , you have a wonderful son(I bet you did that right). I am sure you will get many things right in your life. I can understand being depressed, but that will pass. I certanily don’t think you are pathetic, either. I do hope you can find a good job in Topeka(it can happen).
*nods* You are not a fuck up or a loser. YOu won’t get everything right in your life but you won’t get everything wrong either. Look where you are now, Yes hard times may be ahead but You have gone through such before and made it out. You have your second bachelors degree and have worked in the field. You also have people around who will be here when ever you need us.
I’m afraid of a lot of the same stuff. I’m afraid of failing, never amounting to anything. I’m afraid that I’m never going to be a good enough person on the inside to have a good relationship. Funny thing is I DO have an awesome relationship now but I often am scared that he’s going to wise up and leave because he could get so much better. I also fear stagnation and being stuck. I fear that I will never be able to hold a job long term, that I will never be happy with anything “forever” and that I will always get irritated or bored or fed up and come up with things wrong so I can leave again. I just hate that about myself.