My horoscope (sorta) for today went like this:
Prally that I’m being selfish… and perhaps needy.
Comfortable.. yeah… but what I’m doing.. is it fair?
Certainly not to the other party involved… but that isn’t how he sees it.
I want to go out and explore. I need to find that spark. It may be under my nose, but am I blocking that possiblity? And what will happen if I DO find it? Won’t it be worse if I wait?
But I don’t think anything but finding someone else will actually make a dent. I think as long as I have a little to give, he’ll be happy. Well, at least content. He won’t give up hope. But then, I would have other friends tell me that he hasn’t given up hope because I haven’t forced him to give up hope.
Of course, there was a part of me wishing it would happen. It would be easier if it had happened.. but it has not. Just last night, he told me “You will never feel the same about me as I do about you.” and I could not deny it. I just apologized..
Why did I apologize? It’s not my fault. I can’t control my feelings…
but then, am I just hiding? Will I ever trust again?
Sparks happen.. but they don’t “grow” into happening… do they?
The advice I would give myself. Be true to your heart. Be true to your friend. Don’t give him false hopes. But I haven’t.. have I? I don’t THINK I have, but then I haven’t pushed him out of my life either… but it is so nice being catered to and he has helped with a lot of things… but then, I have helped him as well… maybe the scales will soon be balanced. As always, I wish another person would pop into his life and make the decision for me. Hmmmph. And my advice to myself would be.. you have already MADE the decision. What are you going to do about it?
I hate hurting people’s feelings.