Here it is.
I feel guilty that he is doing my basement.
I feel guilty that he loves me.
To make me feel better, I don’t give him sex because to me, in my current situation, I need something and he wants something.
In my mind, it could be that I’m giving him sex in return for the basement. By not giving him sex, I don’t feel trashy, slutty and horrible.
Well, that’s not true. I still feel horrible because I don’t love him the way he loves me.
So, he basically IS a sugar daddy. What does that make me? What kind of person does that make me? I don’t like what I’ve become and I honestly don’t know how to fix it.
Am I going to redefine myself and base it off what I am with him? What does that make me?
Would I be able to live with myself?
Do I just give in and truly let him take care of me? Truly be my sugar daddy?
Is that what he wants? He says he just wants to be my friend, but he wants sex too. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want to have sex with him. I try to explain like I did in this blog, but he doesn’t get it… sex is just an act.. an activity… a means of relaxation and release…
But would it be so hard to give in?
What would I lose of myself by doing that?
Would I be able to live with what I would become?
What do I do?
Am I becoming another “Grethe”????