WHY I wrote such a letter to my ex and what it would accomplish.
Well, I heard that he “doesn’t want to be like me” and I guess that means he doesn’t want to be a cold-harded “bitch” or rather bastard.
I wanted to let him know that I knew he tried. He tried damn hard to make us work. I wanted him to know nothing was his fault. Not the miscarriages, nothing.
Basically, I guess, I’m releasing him from everything he ever meant to me. Releasing him from blame. Releasing him from everything (except being my friend and being our son’s father).
I also, now that I can, wanted him to know the truth. There are too many lies out there. TOO many lies, and I wanted to bare my soul and give him truth.
If he sees it as such, I may never know.
Perhaps I fucked up. That I may never know either. I felt it was something I needed to do, and honestly have been wanting to do it for a long time.
I feel a little better.. but we’ll see what the repercussions are….
But was it making me feel better the whole point? I hope not… I was trying to make HIM feel better.
Have I failed miserably?!?!?
Interesting side note: I had planned on writing a letter similar to this when I went to Heartland Pagan Fest, but I never did. I found comfort from a couple I met who gave me insights that it was the emotions, the feelings that I missed and not the person, so I left the Fest with a clear head.. until my ex called me about leaving Tracy and moving our son to Topeka….