Yesterday, I posted a spell for anger, but didn’t get a chance to share my thoughts, so today I want to share a little of myself.
First, I would like to thank Sitara for stopping by and leaving her information. I love her blog. ;)
Anger is a serious problem for me. I’ve known it was a problem for many years. My parents even know and have sent me various jokes and books. *grin* Nothing has helped. Although I do find the jokes amusing. :)
So, this blog came at a particularly good time for me. I worked through my judging issues and I’ve found it much easier to not judge a person the way I was doing it before. I am no longer godlike in my discretion of people as I drive past. Good, Bad, Evil, Smart, Pathetic, etc. These words do not exist in defining people at first contact. I am cautious in my comfort zone, though, because it ever was and may always attempt to be, a bad habit.
Recently, my son was sick. It was a stomach bug (or so his teacher swears, not the flu, because she got ALL the flu vaccines, therefore it couldn’t POSSIBLY be the flu). I have a phobia. I’m terrified of vomiting. So, it was a long night. Thank the gods for my husband, Thorik. But I’m working through that too. For some reason, I associate vomiting with death. I’m now working on a mantra. Puking is not dying. We’ll see how THAT works out.
But my point is my Anger. (You knew I’d get around to it eventually, right?)
My recent problems have been with my cats. All of a sudden, MY cat is pooping and peeing IN our house. And that pisses me off BAD! I got rid of one cat that was doing that, (Thanks for adopting your new Puddin, Drayuh) but the others are now (still) doing it as well. I seriously see red when it happens. I grab the nearest cat but the scruff, shove their face into the poop (next, not in) and pound (yes, literally pound) their ass, ultimately, flinging (yes, flinging, they land with a spin, twist, etc.) them outside. I’m lucky I haven’t broken anyone’s neck.
And then I’m calm again.
I asked my son once if this scared him. He said no. He knows I wouldn’t do anything like that to him, but he does know I can get pissed. Generally, it means he gets to go sit in his room.
I’m so glad I don’t get that angry at my son. But my anger still scares me and it needs to be addressed.
Sitara’s spell for Anger is probably a good step. Not because it is a “spell” because contrary to popular beliefs, spells aren’t end-all beat-all methods without the energy that comes from within.
Rather, it has ideas to release the anger and that is what I need. I like the ice cube idea, although it would probably be wiser to do each individual anger(s) one at a time. If I would remember to grab an ice cube each time I got mad and hold it tight until it and the anger melted, that might be a good practice until I can resolve the underlying issues that cause the anger.
I still feel anger towards the Tracy-Bitch but Sitara’s blog points out something new for me:
“Name the ice cube as something with which you are angry. Do not call the ice cube by a person’s name, a company’s name, or anything that has an actual identity outside you. Your anger is personal.
Your anger is you.
Name the ice cube as “my frustration with the situation with so-and-so” or “my anger at my work conditions”, always owning the anger. What you are seeking to banish is your internal negativity to situations you cannot control. Be sure to name the ice cube appropriately.”
That anger is me.
ALL that anger is me.
It’s not Tracy-Bitch, it’s not my goddamn cats, it’s ME!
Is it a control issue? Is it ALL a control issue? The judging, the puking fear, the anger?
Does it stem from my being out of control?
I really don’t know.