These past few months has been a time of introspection.
I know that my own journey is not complete and today I made a realization. I judge people. Not all people and it’s not based on color, creed, or sex, but rather it is upon education levels.
This has come as quite a shock to me. I never realized how hypocritical I have been. How hypocritcal I AM.
It’s not just education, but education is the aspect I realized first. It comes down to differences from me, from what I think, from what I feel. I don’t like yappy dogs, so how could others possibly stand them? How could people have bad teeth? How could they not finish what they start? How can someone start school, but never follow through to completion. It’s a variety and until today, I didn’t really see it!
I have a good friend who is helping me through. I feel this will make me stronger and help me reach another level of understanding myself and others, but wow. What an awakening. My friend Mac says I should not feel guilty. Rather, I should feel proud that I have made this realization and now am striving to break the pattern.
I have no right to judge.
I also started thinking about energy exchanges. There is always an exchange of energy between two people. In a perfect world, that energy would be balanced. What is given is what is sent and vice versa. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world. Many times we run into energy vampires, who suck us dry. Many people are aware of these and can protect against them, however, how many of us think about those who are the opposite? Whether we give and give and give or take and take and take, we are breaking a balance. Neither is healthy.
I’m an energy giver. What scares me is that with this judgmental realization, I wasn’t giving equally. In fact, I know I couldn’t possibly have been giving equally. That bothers me. A lot.
Now, we still have to be careful. Sadly, this world is still full of people who don’t understand the necessity of the balance of sharing energies. Some people have never really experienced a true balanced sharing of energies. In my mind, this can equate to someone like a 4o year old virgin, and once they embrace the balance, they will latch on to the person who experienced it with them.
I may or may not have witnessed this as a college student. There are so many people who are needy for just a bit of attention that one little bit of attention must mean that you really like them, that you are attracted to them and you must want to date them. There is no balance. I especially noticed this with non-American students. It’s like they never have interactions with the oposite sex. So, I learned early I must be cautious.
I flirt with anyone and everyone. Male or female. I don’t have a gender prejudice. Color and creed makes no matter. My experience with non-American students were at a college, so we were all equals. It’s the outside world where I haven’t been fair. Where I may not have shared my energies the same between all people.
I am going to explore this and start sharing my energies properly with all people. I will figure out the proper amount that should be shared with acquaintances, with strangers, and with friends.
I wonder what will happen… will this bring me more balance as well?
EM!!! stop it right now! you are one of the sweetest people that i know. for you to even think for one minute that you should feel ashamed is just plain wrong!
so what if you are “judging”? who has the right to tell you that you don’t have that right? being able to judge for yourself over what or who you like or dislike is a goddess given right! it is part of what protects us from alot of the negative energies that are around us. if you don’t like something or someone and don’t want to be around it or them or help it or them there is normally a good reason behind it rather you see it at first or not.
do what you will but bring harm to none. by judging for yourself what is and who is best for you does not hurt a soul, however when you start beating yourself up over your choices you are hurting yourself.
you are pagan, you are way more open to the energies that be than the average joe. just because your speaking mind can’t give you an answer right away as to the why’s of how you feel such as not liking this person or that person, trust me there is a reason behind it!
and giving personal energies out should be a choice not something that is expected! i may have energy to spare, but if i don’t feel like giving it out that day it normally means that i am going to need it later on that night or maybe i am going to need alot of it the next day for someone who crosses my path.
as for balance, well that comes when we can embrace what we see as the good and the bad within ourselves and accept what we are no matter what. try as you might you may never like yippy dogs or their owners, the world will still spin and those people will still go on about their lives. and you may never get over how someone can go around with green teeth when a tube of crest costs less than their last meal from burger king.
in the bigger pictures of things, it don’t matter. move on. it could be that you was not meant to enter these people’s lifes and this was the goddess’s way of keeping you clear of them. food for thought eh?
i hope what i have wrote makes sense to you, i have only tried to write this 8 different ways so that i didn’t sound over pushy or cause you any pain. as from the sounds of this post, you have beat yourself up enough over this and you need some of your own good energies for yourself!
i see you as a sister, and you have my love. if we lived in the same town, i would have hopped in my truck and been over with the coffee pot and stayed up with you till you came to some peace about this. so take what i said and mull it around a bit and take what you can from it. if you want my number to talk person to person, send me an email, it’s yours to have!
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
cc ~D|
CC
I am totally impressed at the spirit and fury with which you defend your loved ones (Em in this instance). She is lucky to have such fierce and loving people in her inner circle and you are clearly a woman of quality and depth.
Having said that, I’d like to challenge your statements alone. I love Em very much and Im on her side as you are. However I find harmful holes in some of the posted thoughts. Since you are clearly no timid flower, I dare not treat you as anything but a fierce equal whom I oppose openly but only on grounds of truth and not affection. Anyone who snarls in defense of love is someone I respect and appreciate.
“so what if you are “judging”? who has the right to tell you that you don’t have that right? being able to judge for yourself over what or who you like or dislike is a goddess given right!”
This is not about rights. Its about whats good for us and what makes us whole and healthy and creates tendencies towards happiness and fulfillment. A wolf has the “right” to bite your arm off. They are gifted with fangs and instinct to do so by the very Universe. But I’m doubting that right would prevent you from pulling your arm away and a fierce one like you would likely confront it, to prevent its fangs from your loved ones. Which is your right too.
So its not about rights. In this instance, “judging” others has been a euphemism for condemning them. Finding fault in them sufficient to name them “lesser than” yourself. We often do this to protect ourselves, as you noted, but anything we do outwardly, we do inwardly. So judging others (condemning them) demands we reserve the same damnation for ourselves.
You don’t have to condemn a drunk man to notice that he is drunk and keep a distance. You don’t need to condemn a good man for his political views to oppose them. You can oppose, even violently, without judging.
“it is part of what protects us from alot of the negative energies that are around us.”
Yes…….. its fighting fire with fire. We project negativity to oppose negativity. The problem is this: WE started that fight.
WE judged the man despicable or unworthy (for some reason) and THEN we negatively oppose him. Such a man has been wronged twice and will likely respond in defense. You will then add to his condemnation that he attacked you and respond. Back and forth forever.
You don’t need to judge a man to oppose him. You don’t need to hate the wolf to protect yourself.
Em is attempting to confront injustice. She’s a fine, shining soul and was brave enough to spot it in her mirror. A lesser woman would never have done that. She noticed it. This speaks of the rightness of her soul and the justness of it. She should heed it.
I Love Em too – its an easy thing to feel. And I think I love her taste in friends too.
*bows to his worthy opponent*
Mac
i agree, for the most part, with her response. judging is a way of keeping people at a distance, for one reason or another. perhaps your inner self knows something that your conscious self is unwilling to see or acknowledge. your friends are there for you, if you accept them or not is your perogative. we’re there to listen, we’re there to bounce info off of. but most importantly, your friends are there for you, thru the good & the bad. even if you don’t want feedback, all you want is to bounce off, that’s fine. its your right. and if there are some people you choose not to share with due to the energies you feel w/ that person, that’s your right as well. take time. reflect. if you push everyone away besides those closest to you, then that may be what is best. but if you open yourself up & let (most) everybody in, then that can also be a good thing. protect you & yours. judging is not so much a bad thing. it makes people think. perhaps their attitude &/or actions need to be reevaluated.
[…] article completely changes my perspective and my blog about Judging Others nearly one year ago. (Nov 18, 2009, to be exact, wild! Have I grown so much in one year? Am I ready […]
http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26027.html
Interesting:
There is a difference between Judging and having an Opinion.
Here’s my newest blog about this discovery
https://em.flinthillspagans.org/a-return-to-judgment-was-it-only-opinion/
[…] in 2009, I wrote this: Judging Others. I no longer remember the specifics, but I know that this judgmental phase was heart […]