These past few months has been a time of introspection.

I know that my own journey is not complete and today I made a realization. I judge people. Not all people and it’s not based on color, creed, or sex, but rather it is upon education levels.

This has come as quite a shock to me. I never realized how hypocritical I have been. How hypocritcal I AM.

It’s not just education, but education is the aspect I realized first. It comes down to differences from me, from what I think, from what I feel. I don’t like yappy dogs, so how could others possibly stand them? How could people have bad teeth? How could they not finish what they start? How can someone start school, but never follow through to completion. It’s a variety and until today, I didn’t really see it!

I have a good friend who is helping me through. I feel this will make me stronger and help me reach another level of understanding myself and others, but wow. What an awakening. My friend Mac says I should not feel guilty. Rather, I should feel proud that I have made this realization and now am striving to break the pattern.

I have no right to judge.

I also started thinking about energy exchanges. There is always an exchange of energy between two people. In a perfect world, that energy would be balanced. What is given is what is sent and vice versa. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world. Many times we run into energy vampires, who suck us dry. Many people are aware of these and can protect against them, however, how many of us think about those who are the opposite? Whether we give and give and give or take and take and take, we are breaking a balance. Neither is healthy.

I’m an energy giver. What scares me is that with this judgmental realization, I wasn’t giving equally. In fact, I know I couldn’t possibly have been giving equally. That bothers me. A lot.

Now, we still have to be careful. Sadly, this world is still full of people who don’t understand the necessity of the balance of sharing energies. Some people have never really experienced a true balanced sharing of energies. In my mind, this can equate to someone like a 4o year old virgin, and once they embrace the balance, they will latch on to the person who experienced it with them.

I may or may not have witnessed this as a college student. There are so many people who are needy for just a bit of attention that one little bit of attention must mean that you really like them, that you are attracted to them and you must want to date them. There is no balance. I especially noticed this with non-American students. It’s like they never have interactions with the oposite sex. So, I learned early I must be cautious.

I flirt with anyone and everyone. Male or female. I don’t have a gender prejudice. Color and creed makes no matter. My experience with non-American students were at a college, so we were all equals. It’s the outside world where I haven’t been fair. Where I may not have shared my energies the same between all people.

I am going to explore this and start sharing my energies properly with all people. I will figure out the proper amount that should be shared with acquaintances, with strangers, and with friends.

I wonder what will happen… will this bring me more balance as well?