Something I hate about myself.
But now is the time to ask, because I’m starting to learn more about myself and this is the perfect time to delve into this.
Right now, I hate that I have said so many mean things about my Mom and now I need to take them all back. She’s the same person she ever was, but now I’m different.
I’m still not happy about stuff, but it’s time for me to be the adult.
I first noticed this difference when I wanted to change my facebook status to “My son is more worried about the cats being outside than his Grandma refusing to spend time in our home because of the ‘filth'”. I didn’t change the status, because I AM trying to fix things at least on some level.
No, I don’t like that they consider my home filthy. Mostly because of the cats, but still.
My home is not filthy. I’ve seen filthy homes and my home may be cluttered and have cat (and human) hair but to me filthy means mold growing and smells and general yuck. *sigh* It’s not like I can afford to hire someone to come in and clean like Mom did when I was a kid.
So, something I hate about myself. I hate that I have to change my attitude and my thinking and sharing because I want to be the bigger and better person. It almost feels like I’m not being true to myself. Almost.
I don’t need to be judged, but at least until things get better on that front, at least until I can prove that the issues she and I have had for the past 30 years had nothing to do with me being adopted, well, I’m just gonna try to not add negativity to that situation.
I hate that I have a phobia that I need to work on but am excited that it may lead to past life hypnotherapy to resolve it. (Excited and scared.. )
I hate that I get scared and that I have panic attacks about the health of my son, but that leads back to that phobia and the therapy that I’ve started this week.
I hate that I can’t do everything and can’t please everyone. I just wish everyone and everything could be happier.
I really hate that I’ve been told by the goddess, the universe, and even friends (psychic and otherwise) have told me that I must observe and not participate. I am no longer allowed to help because first I must help myself. I gotta concentrate on me, but I HATE not being able to help others.
I hate that I have had to block “friends” because of their negativity. I am working on cleaning and clearing my soul and life and their negativity just brings me down. (So if you are reading this and are blocked, don’t take it personally, just take it as an opportunity to discover WHY you are so negative… and perhaps begin your own quest to enlightenment.
This turned out better / easier than I thought it would.